![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() The “orgasmic waves” she experiences are too intense, so she runs to the bathroom to pull them out, only she can’t-the beads are magnetized. In one scene, he has her insert color-coded beads into her vagina (pink) and anus (black) while they dine at a restaurant. In Beautiful You, a woman finds herself in a 50 Shades of Grey-type relationship with a megabillionaire who plans to release a line of sex toys for women and uses the protagonist as an experimental subject. His infamous short story “Guts,” which used to induce fainting in audience members when Palahniuk read it at events, is a vivid cautionary tale about a teenage boy sitting naked on a pool circulation pump as a means of sexual pleasure, which results in his colon being sucked out of his anus. In Palahniuk’s fiction, twisted violence and sex occur in a matter-of-fact manner. To someone like me, who used to read his work as a twenty-something, this feels quintessentially Palahniukian: darkly funny, shamelessly macabre, and-most crucially-completely straight-faced. I feel cheated.” His solution is, of course, obvious: “Must find and piss on their graves.” Soon, Palahniuk discovers that “several are dead. This was a conversation that began nine texts earlier with me saying hello, it’s the writer from Esquire, wanted to touch base, etc., and now, it’s somehow progressed to killing his childhood tormentors. “Several will die today,” one text reads. Palahniuk is texting me from a Columbia High School reunion in Burbank, Washington, from which he graduated in 1980 (it wasn’t technically his reunion but his older sister’s), and among his fellow Coyotes are the bullies who chanted mean shit at him and beat him bloody. Four days before I’m supposed to travel to Portland, Oregon to meet Chuck Palahniuk, we’re already plotting a murder. ![]()
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